See, I told you so! Beats me why your first answer from me appeared a day after I wrote it, but it is always nice to have one’s veracity demonstrated.

NOW if I could just figure out why the response I wrote to the delightful Happy Gulliver went…if it doesn’t appear out of the black hole of cyber space by this evening I’ll answer him again. Hey, I can deal happily with men with the wit, taste, and kindness to admire me! LBT

“Unlicensed septic tanks are sooo sexy.

I read your writing and keep on looking to find me a girl like my Auntie Linda. I only hope to find her before Gary does, cause currently we are both looking in the continental 48 and their aren’t too many available contenders.”

Dear Gulliver:

No wonder you’re happy! My handsome, brilliant 26-year-old son is also looking for a girl “just like the girl who married dear old Dad,” without success either. Someone else wrote recently complaining that there are at least 20 superior “libertarian” (for short hand) males for every like-minded female, and I’m astounded that he thinks there are that many.

Life has its little surprises. I thought the rise of cable TV would alleviate the “Ebonics” problem, but it didn’t. One would think that fifty years of more and more women entering the work force would have lead to greater personal growth, but that didn’t happen, either–probably because the gals still have to do the wife and mother thing. I’m who and what I am in large part because I WAS a classic Donna Reed housewife most of the time! Sure, I was reared with splendid principles (Thanks, Mother and Daddy!) but I had TIME to go back to college to do graduate work in five fields, TIME to read, and TIME to write and think.

Signature chuckle! I never knew what a wonderful thing a wife is until I got my Asia! Oh, it IS so nice always to have clean clothing hanging in the closets, never have to clean bathrooms, and find a plate of something luscious set beside my computer while I’m writing…

The biggest problem, guys, is that the kind of lady you want has to grow just as you do. You aren’t going to find the mind and principles of your dreams in a co-ed. Unfortunately! The good news is that the older you get the easier it is to find someone who has developed as you did, who really shares your interests, thoughts, goals, and dreams. Auntie Linda’s search was restricted because she not only threw out all applicants over 6’3″ tall and all Liberals from consideration, but would not consider anyone who did not want to live La Vida Whiskey! Sorry, guys, I refuse to be stuffed into a gilded cage in Dallas. I’m going to stay home on the range, where the Dexters and Dairy Goats play. Everything I love is either right here or available through my computer, including terrific guys who pay me great compliments!

Hugs and keep looking, Auntie Linda

Today just isn’t my day! The answer I wrote you hours ago is still gone, and the one I just sent to Ernie didn’t post, either! Ernie–write and tell me about yourself and what you want out of life and send it to Gary with a request to forward it to me, please.

I hope I’m not getting myself into one of those things where the little boy asks his mother where he came from and she tells him about sex when what he wanted to know was “Denver, Colorado.”

We use septic tanks in the country because we do not have city sewer lines. The tanks can be purchased or made by digging a hole, framing it in, and pouring concrete. The tanks have two sections; raw sewage goes into the first and breaks down through enzymatic action. In time reasonably clear and not very smelly liquid flows over into the second tank. Thence it goes, in time, out through pipes laid on a bed of gravel, trickling out gently over the course of hundreds of feet, nourishing the land and providing much-needed water. So long as people do not dump plastic, cigarette butts, large hunks of vegetables, and copious quantities of oil down the drains the tanks function very efficiently for many decades. The one here at the ranch had to be pumped out last year for the first time ever because those rules had been broken.

More than ever we need to be on the lookout for ways we can cut expenses by doing things ourselves, renovating older possessions, swapping our fruits and labors with others, and turning our precious assets into durable goods. Installing septic tanks is very old technology and well within our capabilities, just as putting the new roof on ourselves will be.

I hope that answers your question, and if it doesn’t, ask me again! Cordially, Linda

What a great letter, thanks, but…whoosh, what a question. I am not a financial advisor. All I can do is tell you what I did and why and ask what you really want out of life. I’ll ask Gary to send me your address because it may take a while to discuss this, or you write first and ask him to forward it.

My plan, which sometimes leaves me feeling the way we did when we found a large snake in the bathroom this evening, is to turn all the fiat money I have other than pensions into metal, commodities, and other durable resources. Charles picked up a .22 kept handy for emergencies, dispatched the creature, and apologized for dinging the tile lightly. No problem, darling, no problem! Thank you. And I admire the one shot one kill performance.

I urge others to prepare the best refuge they can outside of the city, living there if they can, or arranging to stay with friends or family if not. The interests you mentioned–old cars, machining tools, structural materials, the garden–and your obvious ability to make decisions suggest that you are quite capable of telling me easily what the constraints of a consulting business will be (and I’m sure it is one which will have customers for the immediate future) and what you are comfortable with doing to guard against the future. For myself, I paid the taxes to have the use of money NOW. Do you own land, how self-sufficient do you wish to become, what area of the country do you live in, is there a Mrs. Ernie and/or little Ernies?

I am torn by what is going on in the metals market, and the last time I looked silver was roughly $16.50. At that price, plus premiums for rounds, coins, or ingots…umph. The classic conundrum! If it goes up we kick ourselves for not buying, and if it goes down, well, at least we’re all certain that the long-term trend will be higher. I just have this…”feeling”…that something is going on that I’m not going to like. This is a lousy way to make investment decisions, but I, myself, would not put more than fifteen or twenty thou’ in metal if I were in what I understand of your position at present. If you have any interest in a small farm or ranch I suggest you find some place congenial, with reasonably clement weather and at least a yard of rainfall a year. That, I think, is the SAFEST choice in many ways, but not if you dislike the thought of country living deeply. Please write ASAP and let’s talk this over privately.

Sincerely, Linda.

As for myself, I take it so seriously that I ditched a 70k dead end job so I could get my money out of the company stock.

I have my old cars, my machine tools, lots of fabrication metal and supplies, my garden, and my skills. The only question is once I get my money out of the company, what on earth do I do- take a tax hit and put it all in metal in hand? Hope it’s not so bad and take out just enough to cover losses in my consulting business (boy there’s lots of tax deductible losses in starting a business…)? and keep the rest tax deferred in an IRA?

Anyone else have any ideas- what would you do with a few hundred k FRN’s coming with government tax strings attached?

Best- EP

Chuckle…my chic, elegant, beautiful senior mortgage banker daughter (who looks nothing like her dear old hag of a mother, being the image of her super model gorgeous grandmother), who just moved into her large new custom built house just north of D/FW tells me that Galvalume roofs (why isn’t that “rooves?”) are very chic~ Chic, schmeek! It will last for fifty years, go up quickly, and is very cost effective at less than $7,000 in materials for 3400 square feet or so. We can lay down the plywood, styrofoam, and metal over the old roof! If I were a fiend I would get a couple of estimates just so I could gloat on how much we’ll save and keep out of circulation, but that wouldn’t be fair to roofing companies, so I won’t. Supper calls and the rolling thunder and lightning strikes say I had better shut down my computer! Linda

Dead-on as usual. I particularly liked your septic tank speculation. Should we let Willard in on it? Considering your recent storm destruction, I applaud the Galvalume purchase too. That way you have a roof over your head while you’re enjoying your septic tanks. Also, while not intentionally desiring to publish my age, Lana Turner didn’t go over my head, either. Keep ‘em coming!

Cheers, Tex