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Posted December 24, 2019

Jim Amrhein

By Jim Amrhein

We Wish You a Merry Twistmas!

As a reward for putting up with me three times a month or so since Whiskey & Gunpowder rose from the ashes this past summer

Here are some timely, twisted takes on Christmas faves for your enjoyment.

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to existing works is purely coincidental no imitation, duplication, or homage was intended.

Also, be advised that the viewpoints represented in some of these may not be 100% my own, in every single respect (but who are we kidding, right?)

They also may have been amped up a little for humor and impact. Please take em in the jolly spirit in which theyre intended.

Amazon is Running the Town

You better watch out

Alexas a spy

Shes gonna tell Jeff

What you do on the sly

Cuz Amazon is running the town.

Theyre making a list

Its trillions of bytes

And on it theyve got

Everything in your life

Cuz Amazon is running the town.

They know when you are sleeping

They know when youre awake

And every time you go online

They can see every click you make!

SOOOO

You better watch out

Your privacys a lie

Your datas just a tool

They use to make you buy

Cuz Amazon is running the town!

Erect the Walls

Erect the freakin walls, by golly

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Build them tough with steel and moly

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Mount them with lights and gun barrels

Fa la la, la la la, la la la!

Aimed by guards in tac apparel

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Put an end to borders porous

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Make damn sure they cant ignore us

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Drugs and guns and human treasure

Fa la la, la la la, la la la!

Thats what gives coyotes pleasure

Fa la la la la, la la la la

So shut em down with bars impassive

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Keep them out with walls so massive

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Otherwise, well all be tethered

Fa la la, la la la, la la la!

To a third-world state forever

Fa la la la la, la la la la

O Kavanaugh

(to the tune of O Tannenbaum)

O Kavanaugh, O Kavanaugh!

Seems you were just a drunk teen

But Kavanaugh, O Kavanaugh,

They made you into Weinstein.

Despite the lack of evidence...

Youre male and right two strikes against

So Kavanaugh, O Kavanaugh,

Forever youll be on defense.

O Kavanaugh, O Kavanaugh!

They found no cause to dismiss

But Kavanaugh, O Kavanaugh,

Youll always bear their asterisk.

Although those victims spewed recants

Youre guilty cuz of whats in your pants

So Kavanaugh, O Kavanaugh

Ill lift a pint to your advance.

O Kavanaugh, O Kavanaugh!

They aimed their Trump hate at you

But Kavanaugh, O Kavanaugh,

You held the line and saw it through.

I hope youll make them rue the day

They tried to take your robe away.

Cuz Kavanaugh, Justice Kavanaugh

Your country needs your best, I say.

Here comes Bernie Claus

Here comes Bernie Claus, here comes Bernie Claus, right down Communist lane

With Marx and Engels and Lenin and Trotsky pulling at his reins

Deadbeats singing and taxes winging oh, so far out of sight

So hang your head and say your prayers cuz Bernie Claus comes tonight

Here comes Bernie Claus, here comes Bernie Claus, straight for millennials brains

His big red bag is full of free toys he milked from millionaires strains

Hear those tax rolls jingle jangle oh, what a beautiful sound

If youre not broke youre gonna get soaked when Bernie Claus comes around

Here comes Bernie Claus, here comes Bernie Claus, back to the well again

Hes got a Medicaid plan for all thatll break our backs and then

Hell nationalize our power grid and shut off all of your lights

Cuz the Earths too hot and its all your fault but Bernies gonna make it right!

The Trump Days of Wishmas

On the first day of Wishmas, my presdent gave to me, a trade deal with President Xi.

On the second day of Wishmas, my presdent gave to me, two Fed fiscal doves, and a trade deal with President Xi.

On the third day of Wishmas, my presdent gave to me, three travel bans, two Fed fiscal doves, and a trade deal with President Xi.

On the fourth day of Wishmas, my presdent gave to me, four falling foes, three travel bans, two Fed fiscal doves, and a trade deal with President Xi.

On the fifth day of Wishmas, my presdent gave to me, five judges right-wing!... Four falling foes, three travel bans, two Fed fiscal doves, and a trade deal with President Xi.

On the sixth day of Wishmas, my presdent gave to me, six tarifs paying, five judges right-wing!... Four falling foes, three travel bans, two Fed fiscal doves, and a trade deal with President Xi.

On the seventh day of Wishmas, my presdent gave to me, seven regs a-trimming, six tarifs paying, five judges right-wing!... Four falling foes, three travel bans, two Fed fiscal doves, and a trade deal with President Xi.

On the eighth day of Wishmas, my presdent gave to me, eight porn stars milking, seven regs a-trimming, six tarifs paying, five judges right-wing!... Four falling foes, three travel bans, two Fed fiscal doves, and a trade deal with President Xi.

On the ninth day of Wishmas, my presdent gave to me, nine factories humming, eight porn stars milking, seven regs a-trimming, six tarifs paying, five judges right-wing!... Four falling foes, three travel bans, two Fed fiscal doves, and a trade deal with President Xi.

On the tenth day of Wishmas, my presdent gave to me, ten pipelines piping, nine factories humming, eight porn stars milking, seven regs a-trimming, six tarifs paying, five judges right-wing!... Four falling foes, three travel bans, two Fed fiscal doves, and a trade deal with President Xi.

On the eleventh day of Wishmas, my presdent gave to me, eleven Saudis dancing, ten pipelines piping, nine factories humming, eight porn stars milking, seven regs a-trimming, six tarifs paying, five judges right-wing!... Four falling foes, three travel bans, two Fed fiscal doves, and a trade deal with President Xi.

On the twelfth day of Wishmas, my presdent gave to me, twelve Dems a-weeping, eleven Saudis dancing, ten pipelines piping, nine factories humming, eight porn stars milking, seven regs a-trimming, six tarifs paying, five judges right-wing!... Four falling foes, three travel bans, two Fed fiscal doves, and a trade deal with President Xi.

Hope you got a laugh or a smile out of these. If so, feel free to forward them to someone else wholl love (or hate) them

And from the whole crew here at Whiskey & Gunpowder Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Merrily Yours,

Jim Amrhein

Jim Amrhein

Freedoms Editor, Whiskey & Gunpowder

WhiskeyAndGunpowderFeedback@StPaulResearch.com

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